Dear Anti-Perspirant
We have had a good run, you and i. I know things were rocky for us at first, but we went to our respective corners and grew. I must say, at first i was hesitant about our relationship, but for the past several months we have been gettting along fairly well. I must say, however, of late i have been itching to get out of this relationship. It seems clear to me now that we are simply and decidedly not to be. Im sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused, but i simply cant tolerate the marks youve left on me (see attached). Its unacceptable and intolerable. Perhaps i have let it go on for too long, but now we must say goodbye. I can stand your presence no longer and i will be moving on to a milder and less demanding deoderant.
sincerely
-alex
